High dudgeon

I was offended (sorely) by yesterday's newspaper. No, not the newspaper itself, but a particular item in said paper. You already knew that, though, didn't you? So what was it that offended me so? It was one of those "10 things to do (or maybe not do) if you're ALONE on Valentines Day" lists. I saved that section, but I don't have it handy, hence I'll rant from memory.

First, the suggestions were quite nannyish and condescending. Things like, "Don't hate the holiday just because you're alone. Hate really doesn't help anything." Gee, I'd never heard that hate isn't nice. Hmm, maybe elementary school would have gone much better if I'd gotten that lesson from something like Sesame Street?!?! Then there was something akin to, "Don't attempt to drown your misery in drink." Again, same complaint as above. However,I reached my breaking point with #10.

The final tip was something like, "Start taking actions RIGHT NOW to make sure you don't find yourself in this miserable position next year!" There were all sort of helpful tips that amounted to get in shape, dress better, just put yourself out there (my perennial favorite), ... What offended me so was the inherent assumption that anybody who isn't involved in a deeply meaningful relationship must be the most miserable bloke on the planet! Why? Sure, I occasionally get tired of talking to the cats, but I do have human friends. I'll even go so far as to admit there are times I'd like to spend Friday or Saturday on a traditional date, but who gave this woman [Er, big mea culpa in order. I'll admit it; I assumed it was a woman tipster, but I was wrong. Sackcloth and ashes will be applied.] the right to assume I must be in such a state of anguish? For the most part I'm reasonably happy as a singleton, just as I think I'd be reasonably happy as part of a couple (I have been in the past). The long and short of it is I consider myself to be a reasonably happy person and that feeling is NOT tied to whether or not I have a date for some arbitrary date on the calendar!

Don't read too much into this. I haven't sworn off dates nor do I "hate the holiday". I enjoy going on (most) dates and I honestly hadn't even thought about the fact that Valentine's Day is just two days away. It honestly had made no impression on me. Actually, I'm giving a test at 8:00 on Feb. 15th! Honestly, it's not some bitter statement on my part, I just didn't realize it was that time of the year.

Seriously, though, if you feel the need to publish such a "helpful" list, this one seems much more user friendly. It actually includes suggestions for things you might enjoy doing! Gosh, what a novel concept.

Okay, my sarcasm is now holstered for another day.

UPDATE: I found a link to the list. Here's the actual text of tip #10:

10. Make plans for next year. Start doing what's necessary to bring a loving relationship into your life. Get a dating coach, join an online matchmaking service, or ask your friends to set you up (Hey, Ang, any comments on this suggestion?). If you don't take any action, you'll be in the same place next year.

Grr, makes my blood boil. Then, he follows that up with this gem:

If you're alone on the Valentine's Day, give yourself permission to enjoy life. And don't lower your standards; being alone is far preferable to being in a bad relationship.

Gee, that's not the messsage I get from the 10 tips. They seem to suggest that you damned well better find you a mate ASAP, otherwise you'll be miserable and alone FOREVER!