Southern ailment

It's taken a couple of years, but I've now found the perfect "old man" barber shop in Decatur. I detest having to get my hair cut, but I love barber shops. At least old man barber shops. You just hear the most interesting things.

I'd been to this place once before and yesterday I went back for my second cut. The same guy cut my hair as last time. He's obviously the less popular of the two guys there because both times I've been, he's cut my hair while others, who were there before me, continue to wait. It doesn't matter to me; I just want to get in and out as quickly as possible. Anyway, the first time I was there, this guy asked if I worked at one of the local plants. This time he wanted to know if I was a doctor with an office nearby. I'm not sure what changed to elevate me from plant worker to doctor, but both times I told him I teach at the local college.

What really amused me yesterday, and led to the title of this post, was a guy who was waiting for the popular barber. I'd noticed this guy while I was waiting my turn. He was holding his hand in a funny way and he had a bloody band aid on one of his fingers. When it was his turn for the chair, the barber asked him if he'd cut his finger. The guy replied, "Naw, I just mashed it." He went on to graphically describe the finger mashing, but it wasn't really necessary. Southern people "mash" fingers -- his was in a truck door, though they can be mashed other ways. Now I'm sure people injure fingers in other parts of the country, but I just can't imagine a New Yorker, for instance, complaining about "mashing" his finger in a cab door. (What do they say in other parts?) Yet it's a perfect description. When I hear one has mashed his finger, I get it. The only extra information needed is what particular implement did the mashing. Vehicle doors and farm equipment are the two most popular mashers, it seems to me.

Anyway, I got perverse pleasure from yesterday's discussion of finger mashing, so I think I'll be going back next month. I wonder what profession the barber will guess then?