Today's biggest disappointment, so far

I read an op-ed piece in the paper this morning about the resurgence of "end time" movements and a general increase in people claiming to have seen signs of the apocalypse. I dismissed the piece, but that was before I read THIS! Derek Jeter now has his own cologne! Made by Avon! [Yes, dear readers, I said "cologne" and "Avon".]

Since he plays in the accursed American League, I knew he likely had some tendencies toward communism, baby eating, puppy kicking, etc., but Derek -- say it ain't so. Alas, it is so. As I read the AP story, each paragraph just made it worse. By the end I wanted to poke my eyes out with a sharp stick.

Derek Jeter cologne is on the way — and it's called Driven. The scent is designed to capture ambition, courage, passion and confidence, said Avon Products Inc., which partnered with the New York Yankees shortstop to develop the signature men's fragrance.

Okay, I've recovered from the mere idea of a baseball player peddling his own fragrance. What is Driven going to smell like?

It's a blend of crushed leaves, black pepper, chilled grapefruit, rhubarb, lavender, spearmint, bamboo, driftwood and oak moss, the company said.

EGAD! Chilled grapefruit?!?! How, pray tell, does the scent of chilled grapefruit differ from that of room temperature grapefruit? What about really cold grapefruit? Seriously, this is too much. Okay, though, maybe Jeter is just putting his name on the product. I mean I really don't think Reggie Jackson cooked up the formula for the Reggie candy bar in the 70s. Well, ... Nope:

Jeter was involved throughout the development process, and he's the face of the fragrance in print ads.

"I knew what I wanted. I didn't want it to overtake a room," Jeter, 32, told The Associated Press in an interview Tuesday. "I wanted it to be clean and sophisticated."

C'mon, Derek, you're not making this easy for me. Clean and sophisticated? Aww man. There may be no crying in baseball, but evidently smelling nice is important. I think I'm going to have to go rest a spell. I feel an attack of the vapors coming on.