Tough break

Think about it. You've just been asked to appear on Oprah -- to talk about New Orleans, Katrina, and the resulting depression from being in the former after the latter -- and, just your luck, you've just written A BOOK describing exactly that! Could your life get any better? Well maybe, but it would have to involve a super model and your very own island nation. Right?

Wrong.

What if Oprah's people refused to let you talk about your book?!?!

That's too cruel to imagine, but it apparently happened to Chris Rose.

So, when I found out that Oprah's people (a producer) called my people (my editor) to arrange an interview, it dawned on me that I was about to become a made guy, a best-seller, a millionaire, super model arm candy. I'd get profiled in People magazine and Us would start reporting about who I'm seen with and Maxim would invite me to all their parties.

So I was drafting my letter of resignation to this newspaper when O's producer said to me: "You need to understand -- we're not going to talk about the book."

"What do you mean: 'We're not going to talk about the book?' " I said, and I'm paraphrasing here: "I just wrote a book about Katrina. You're Oprah and you want me on your show about Katrina. WHATTHEHELLDOYOUMEANWE'RENOTGOINGTOTALKABOUTTHEBOOK?!?!?!?!?"

Seriously, not only was Oprah not going to "feature" his book, she (they?) wouldn't even let him MENTION his book. Not even in the sense of, "Well as I say in my newly released book." Seriously, no book. Anything even hinting of the fact that the guy had once ventured into a library would be edited out of the show. Okay, that's a slight exaggeration, but not much.

Why? Well apparently Oprah recognizes her amazing influence on American reading habits and she doesn't want to give the impression that she's endorsing a book that gets casually mentioned on her show. I guess I can understand and maybe even admire that sentiment, but c'mon, think of this poor, virtually unknown, author. How much does that suck?

To his credit, Rose didn't give up. He tried his best to sneak it in:

So I tried to make the best of it all and I tried to drop references to the book in the interview but the producer clucked at me. And then I arranged a stack of my books on my desk so they would be on camera during the interview but the producer clucked at me.

In all seriousness, I read Rose's essay (no idea where a link would be right offhand) on his serious bout of depression in post-Katrina days and I thought it was pretty good. As far as those "horrible personal experience" essays go, I'd say it was really good (as well as I can remember), so I'm not surprised someone gave him a book deal. He and I both know, however, that it won't be the next HP. [I won't type the name. I don't want to be overrun by intrepid net wizards seeking all references to HP.]

Even though he tries to keep it "jokey", I honestly cannot imagine how it'd feel to be that close to a potential cash pinata (imagine the tilde) and NOT be allowed to whack it. Not even one little poke! Ouch!

If I were a true humanitarian, I'd buy his book right now. As it is, I'll compromise and at least give him a link. I'll have to sleep on the decision to buy it.