Christmas rambling

It seems to be the time of year to do stuff like this and since I'm bored out of my nut with nothing to fill my idle days, I'll take a shot at a rambling list of Christmas memories and such. There's no particular order to these things and I guarantee there was zero forethought that went into this: just a pure top-of-my-head listing.

Worst Christmas ever: I guess I was about 5 (it was before we moved out of the holler). Santa had brought me a fancy racecar track. It was one of those with the orange rubber/plastic strips that you hooked together. Of course this was the low-tech days of the 70s, so there was no external power source. No, there was a lever you pulled that catapulted your car around the track for about 1 lap. When the car came through the "launch zone" again, you were supposed to pull the lever again and send it back around the track. Did I mention I was 5? Want to guess how well I managed to master this hand-eye coordination task? Regardless, back to why this was the worst Christmas ever, ... Christmas Eve I was stricken by the "severe intestinal distress from hell." Yep, I made it out of bed long enough to open my race track and then promptly went back to bed for the rest of the day. Let me tell you, the Christmas presents just aren't as exciting when you don't get around to playing with them until days later. They've somehow lost their luster.

Best Christmas present ever: Okay to avoid offending readers who have given me absolutely fabulous, life-changing presents, I will limit this to Santa presents. (Whew, that was close!) Okay, I guess it was my first shotgun -- probably around 11-12 years old, is that right? Now before any of you modern, enlightened sorts get offended, this was a different time and place. It was a usual custom when/where I grew up. It was a beautiful steel blue/gray Savage 20 gauge shotgun with a dark walnut-like stock. I've always, irrationally, treasured that present, even though I haven't fired it in, probably, 10 years or more. Still, I remember how excited I was at the time.

Worst Christmas present ever: First, if ANY of you EVER tell Caffeine Mom about this, I will hunt you down and "smite you sorely." I'm not kidding! Seriously! I mean it! Okay, here goes -- a full-size, commemorative, collector's edition, limited release, etc. G.I. Joe doll. Why does this qualify as worst present ever? Did I mention I was about 25 years old when I got this? Oh, Caffeine Brother got the same present. In reality, I don't blame Santa for this. She was busy working and whatnot. Plus, I wasn't living at home anymore and I had given her absolutely no suggestions, directions, etc. And I will admit that I really liked G.I. Joe when I was a kid. Still, did I mention I was 25 years old? Indirectly, it did serve one good purpose. Now when Mom asks what we want for Christmas, Caffeine Bro and I try to come up with some suggestions. Here's this year's suggestion.

Favorite Christmas food: Turkey and dressing and Mawmaw's strawberry cake. It was so good, I always took it as proof of a higher power and a divine plan for the universe.

Worst Christmas food: I guess it's more of a Thanksgiving food, but it's got to be cranberry sauce. In all honesty, though, I'm really only talking about the canned, jelly-like version. I have eaten "real" cranberry dishes that I thought were yummy, but I just can't get over my aversion to the stuff of my childhood.

Best Christmas movie: I know it's cliched, but it's got to be A Christmas Story. It's not just the sarcastic humor. It also captures the longing for that absolutely greatest present and the futility of trying to plan the perfect gathering. Okay, the sarcastic humor gets me too.

Worst Christmas movie: There are too many to choose from here. In fact, I don't really think my selection is a bad movie, just overrated. So, most overrated Christmas movie: It's A Wonderful Life. Please don't send hate mail, but I've just never understood Jimmy Stewart's appeal. I've said it before, but I'm willing to admit I might be wrong about this one. Still, it's how I feel. On the other hand, this is a wonderful "feel good" movie. But it's not THAT wonderful!

Favorite Christmas song: I have always been really, really fond of the Eagles' version of "I'll Be Home For Christmas". Ooh, and Bob Seeger's "Little Drummer Boy". I also like a lot of the "unconventional" versions by rock, blues, etc. artists. By December 22, though, I'm usually really tired of them all. At that point I usually switch over to Robert Earl Keen's "Merry Christmas From the Family", but that's just a little too cynical to be my favorite. So, the song I always try to listen to on Christmas day really isn't even a Christmas song: The Pretenders', "2000 miles".

Most despised Christmas song: This one is easy: "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer". There is no defense of or excuse for this one.

Okay, that's about it. I hope you all have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS wherever you are.