It's funny 'cause it's true

You know how sometimes a stereotype turns out to be true (I guess it's called a characteristic then)? You know, you find yourself nodding along and saying something like, "Yeah, that really is a difference between ..." Well, this NY Times piece on the man date has a lot of truth in it. What is a "man date"? No, it has nothing (directly) to do with homosexuality. Rather:

Simply defined a man date is two heterosexual men socializing without the crutch of business or sports. It is two guys meeting for the kind of outing a straight man might reasonably arrange with a woman. Dining together across a table without the aid of a television is a man date; eating at a bar is not. Taking a walk in the park together is a man date; going for a jog is not. Attending the movie "Friday Night Lights" is a man date, but going to see the Jets play is definitely not.

"Sideways," the Oscar-winning film about two buddies touring the central California wine country on the eve of the wedding of one of them, is one long and boozy man date.

Although "man date" is a coinage invented for this article, appearing nowhere in the literature of male bonding (or of homosexual panic), the 30 to 40 straight men interviewed, from their 20's to their 50's, living in cities across the country, instantly recognized the peculiar ritual even if they had not consciously examined its dos and don'ts.

It's true: guys and gals hang out in different ways and there are certain rules that apply to guys hanging out -- e.g., the "skip a seat" rule at the theater. I'd never thought about it before, but "two guys meeting for the kind of outing a straight man might reasonably arrange with a woman," is a damned fine way to distinguish comfortable guy activities from those that might make guys self-conscious.

Though I'm pretty sure I'm more "okay" with this than your average male, even I notice such things on occasion. For instance, Thailand Jeff and I do a lot of stuff together when he's "in country". Most of the time I don't even think twice about it, but then again most of our activities involve food, drink, sports, or some combination of all three. Last summer, though, he invited me to go on a field trip of sorts. His art history class was touring the Parthenon in Nashville and he asked if I'd like to go. We figured we'd make a day of it by going to the Parthenon and then doing something fun in Nashville. I did point out to him, though, that his classmates probably thought I was his boyfriend. I mean why else would a man invite another man on an art and architecture outing? I was kidding, but this is just the sort of thing the "man date" article is talking about.

I think some of the guys quoted in the article have some deeper issues if they're THAT worried about being seen in public with another male, but (again) there's some truth to it. I remember once my old college buddy, B, and I went up to Memphis for some reason and ending up having dinner at Cafe Roux. Though it wasn't a candlelight atmosphere, Cafe Roux was a step up from a sports bar. I honestly didn't think anything about the fact that we were two guys out together until these two young ladies attempted to "pick us up". [Aw, who am I kidding? Two straight guys approached by two females showing interest -- I should have just left out "attempted to" in that last sentence.] We'd talked for a few minutes when one of the young ladies said something like, "I'm sorry, but there is one question we need to ask -- are you gay?" I thought that was quite presumptuous of them, but it goes right along with the "man date" concept.

Oh, B and his young lady spent some "quality time" together while I rode all around South Memphis with a psycho chick who made up wild stories about her family's close personal relationship with Eric Clapton. I would have been SHOCKED if it had turned out any differently.

So why do men have a harder time with this than women? I honestly don't know. I did find it interesting, though, that the article claims that men used to be a lot less concerned with this stuff. The whole explanation was a little "touchy feely" for me, but it's an interesting hypothesis. Anyway, read about the "man date" at the link above. Though there are some sloppy generalizations in the article, I guarantee you'll nod along in agreement at least once.