Someone shoot me, please!

It's been a while since I've had a good righteous indignation, rail against the world post, but boy I've got a doozy today!

Y'all remember Lucinda, the Jeep I bought last month? Well you may have noticed there hasn't been much Jeep blogging since then. For a variety of reasons, I haven't been able to get out and play with the Jeep yet. The first delay was getting the title. Turns out the guy selling it didn't actually have the title because he hadn't paid off the loan. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal (I've dealt with that situation before), but the credit union that had the title was in Rhode Island. Hence, we had to wait and wait and wait some more for the title to show up. Finally they sent the title, but they sent it to the guy's old address, so we had to wait for it to be forwarded, and you know how fast that goes. Finally, though, the title arrived last week.

Monday I went to the courthouse to officially register Lucinda. I knew I'd have to pay a bunch of fees, taxes, etc., but I didn't care. My Jeep was going to be legal and I was happy -- until I got to the DMV (or whatever the bureau's official title is at the county level). I figured it was early in the month, so the line shouldn't be too bad. Turns out I was right about that. The wait was only about 15 minutes -- amazing that we're conditioned to think a 15 minute wait is not bad when dealing with the government, huh? Anyway, I finally got to a clerk and she had some bad news for me. John Doe (the seller) had signed the back of the title with his legal signature, John Doe IV, but the front of the title only had John Doe -- no IV. The nice lady explained to me that this John Doe IV could be a totally different person. I tried to explain to her that no matter what name was signed on the back of the title, it could be a totally different person. She had NO WAY of knowing who had signed the title. That, of course, made no impression on her. But there was a form I could fill out. I don’t have the official document in front of me, but I swear to God the title was something like “Affidavit for Correction to Application for an Alabama Certificate of Title”.

Anyway, John Doe and I both had to sign this new document, in the presence of a notary, and then, I was assured, I'd be able to register my Jeep. I tracked down John and we arranged to meet at my bank today to get that done. He was running a few minutes late, but the whole thing was fairly painless. I was pissed that it'd taken a couple of extra days, but no big deal -- until I went back to the DMV.

After another 15 minute wait, I got a different clerk. I explained the original problem and showed her my notarized correction form. She said that looked fine, BUT! Yes, there was a BUT. This time the problem was that when the credit union in Rhode Island released the title they stamped and signed it as they should, but they DID NOT DATE THE RELEASE!!! Now why in Hades should the date of release matter? The lien was released; shouldn't that be the end of the story? Evidently not. Fortunately the woman wasn't going to make me go to Rhode Island to get this corrected. She said I could call the credit union and if they were willing to give me that information over the phone I could just write it in. Okay you know how much I wanted to walk outside the office, write some random date on the title, and then get back in line. Instead I figured I'd try to do the right thing, so I headed back to the office.

When I got back I googled the credit union and got a phone number. When I called them, though, a mechanical voice informed me they closed at 4:00 (3:00 my time) on Wednesday! EGADS! That was it; I'd had enough. I knew when the guy sent them the payoff check, so I added a week to that, wrote down that date, and headed back to the courthouse for the THIRD TIME!

Of course I had to endure another 15-20 minute wait and this time I had to put up with an incredibly loud and extremely jolly fellow in line behind me. Oh he wanted to be everyone's friend. He joked and joshed with people all up and down the line. Everything that was said made him roar with laughter. He was one of those guys beloved by everybody. I hated his guts and wanted nothing more than to punch him in the nose, knee him in the groin, and slowly shove bamboo shoots under his fingernails until he cried like a girl (no offense female readers). I was NOT in a joking mood!

After gritting my teeth for a solid quarter hour my turn came. This time I got the original clerk from Monday. I showed her my (dated) title, my affidavit for ..., and my bill of sale and she deemed me fit to own and operate said motor vehicle. There was one other little snag -- I wanted to transfer my "Forever Wild" tag from the Kia to the Jeep (it just seems to go better with the Jeep), but she told me they don't transfer tags unless they're personalized. Now I know that's not a state policy because I did this exact thing with my UAH tag when I lived in Huntsville, but I decided not to push my luck. I figure you've got to pick your battles and this was not one I was going to fight today.

The whole thing makes me want to run for governor one day just so I can fire every single person working for every county "tag department" in the whole blessed state! On the plus side, Lucinda is now legal.